It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Found the puke drawer
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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