I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
