I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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