I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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