We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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