I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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