Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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