Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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