I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
