so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
