Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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