It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize