We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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