i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
