I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
