I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
