Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
