The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
