you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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