The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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