A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
