Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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