I cockslap morals
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
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We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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