Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize