There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize