before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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