Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
