My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
foreskin is a definite game changer
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
