i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sext me about skeletons
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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