Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i dont even know how to be here
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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