i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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