brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
