This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You smell like stripper and shame
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
