did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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