I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
