I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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