i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
