my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
