Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
