I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
