fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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