So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
