She said her name was "party"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
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drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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