dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
