somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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