I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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