If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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