You're my little dorito
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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