I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
