Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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