You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
