omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
