i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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