evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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