I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dignity is for republicans.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
