No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
