And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
