Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
