Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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