I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
