i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
