new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Drake has all the answers
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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